The Reason For My Absentee..

Depression. It’s easier to type than to speak on. As a member of the black community, I know all too well about the stigmas of not speaking or dealing with mental illness directly. So excuse me if I’ve been M.I.A. since my last post. In case anyone cared, I just wanted to let you know that I have been drowning in my emotions, but somehow I am floating and barely managing to keep my head above water.

If someone were to ask me about my chronic depression and constant bad habit to fall off the face of the earth, I wouldn’t even know where to begin to dig. What is the origin of this sad, sick shit? Should I blame my mother for how she raised me…with little to no regard for the next person’s feelings? Or should I blame my father for inheriting destructive traits such as anger and aggression? Both of my parents were firecrackers and as if that wasn’t bad enough, neither of them were good at verbal communication.

Tears bombard me daily and I fight to keep them from falling. My employer has sent me home several times already after breaking down at work….boss-lady says she can’t have me there in tears because I deal with customers. I told her that I can push through my tears if I have to; I certainly don’t have to leave work. She just doesn’t want me crying and moping at work. Though, I’m not a robot. I can recall many times I’ve worked with my red, puffy eyes and quivering lips. In all actuality, no one really cares. People are too wrapped up in their own lives and messes to wonder why the hell the cashier is balling her eyes out in front of them.

Recently, I’ve signed up for a weekly group session for anger management. I thought I should take more proactive measures for handling my anger — weekly sessions with my personal counselor doesn’t seem to be helping much. I sat in for the first time just two days ago…. and this guy was saying some pretty crazy shit. He mentioned that the highest suicide rates tend to be in the months of May and June. I’m embarrassed and at the same time quite frightened to think of how many times in the past week that I’ve thought of taking myself out. The only reason I’m still breathing is honestly because of my wife. Because I cannot be that selfish.

“It’s been too hard livin’, but I’m afraid to die…”

Currently. I’m listening to Sam Cooke’s A Change Gon’ Come… trying to gather and muster up any form of strength I can to continue and be inspired. All I can say is that it is DAMN hard to give positive vibes off to someone you love (or anyone for that matter) when you can barely fill yourself up…


The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of Motorcycle Riding ! {For Newbies}

#BikeLife isn’t for everyone! It is definitely NOT for the faint-hearted. When most people think of learning how to ride a motorcycle, they dream of how cool they will look straddling a boke they can barely control. I’ve known boyfriends and husbands who have had to give up their Suzuki Gixxers and Harley Davidson’s for women who valued family more.
Naturally, you’re going to think that you look like “the shit” on whatever bike you’re riding. I don’t believe this feeling will wear off anytime soon as a new rider either. You’re going to want to color coordinate with the body of your new baby. You probably won’t be thinking about your first fall, accidentally tipping over, or even laying it down for the first time. Furthermore, many new riders don’t realize that the severity of an accident/crash could have an impact on their entire lives as well. So it’s not the fact that you crash, but to what degree of injury you obtain. Before we get into the ugly of riding, let’s review the good and the bad.

The Good

There is a certain air of charisma that will automatically consume you when you learn how to ride a motorcyle — and actually KNOW how to ride. You will, indeed, develop your own riding style (whether its being more of a stunt-devil, speed demon, or just cruising for looks). Personally, I think riding a motorcycle adds to one’s sex appeal regardless of their riding style. Suddenly, people want to know who you are. They just tend to notice you more. It can be especially annoying if you’re a female like myself with a nice physique. Why? Because automobile drivers (particularly men) almost always notice you at stoplights and intersections. I cannot count how many times I’ve pulled up at a gas pump or in a plaza parking lot and been bombarded with questions about me riding in general. Often, I have felt pressured into small talk about street bikes followed by requests for my phone number. But if you’re actually looking forward to meeting people out and about, the motorcycle can become the ice breaker itself. The only thing left for you to do is to look approachable. So smile next time you see a cutie at Subway. Oh, did I mention that motorcycles are great on gas?

The BadOn the flip side, just learning how to ride can be somewhat of a drag. Some riding instructors will explain that operating a motorcycle is much like driving a stick shift vehicle due to the manual transmission. If you’re anything like myself, you don’t know the first thing about cars with manual transmissions. I had the most confusing time at intersections and stop signs. Unintentionally, I popped a wheelie and cat-walked my light weight Honda CBR out of the shop on my first ride home. My bike stalled at each and every intersection that I slowed down or stopped at. Do you know how nerve-wrecking it was to have so many cars honk at me in one day? I was embarrassed by my newbie skill of shifting gears and adjusting to different speeds constantly. It was a relief to make it safely to the house. Needless to say, that went on for about a week until I called up my former instructor to find out what the hell I was doing wrong! I finally figured out that I had to shift down into first gear (or neutral) anytime I decreased my speed or came to a complete stop. The gear that I was in had to correspond with the speed that I was going. So, it wasn’t just about shifting all the way to sixth gear while increasing my speed. Ahhhhh! I was so glad I didn’t have to feel like a leaning idiot anymore.
It is not required to have motorcycle insurance in the state of Florida as long as you ride with a full-face helmet at all times (sweet, right?) However, being insured is probably one of the smartest things you can do to secure your motorcycle. I owned a Honda and an SV650. While my Honda was never touched without permission, my bright yellow Suzuki was stolen after an accident on a fateful, rainy night.
Tip: You may not want to, but it is in your best interest to call 911/police if you’ve been involved in an accident and have to leave your bike unattended. If you don’t you may risk the possibility of your motorcycle being stolen with little to no chance of recovering it.

The Ugly

At some point of your riding career, you will gain some road rash. I like to call them permanent tattoos. Whether its tipping over with the weight of the bike overpowering you or accidentally making skin contact with a hot exhaust pipe, it is almost guaranteed you get some kind of mark that will require some type of medical aide. And usually, how severe your road rash is would be determined by how bad your crash is. Some bikers, especially dare devils, just don’t think about the dangers of riding a motorcycle on a daily basis. We get so stoked from the excitement of this new thrill that we barely stop to ponder the possibilit of death. I consider myself blessed because I’ve locked my front wheel and flew off my motorcycle. Luckily, I landed in grassy area, but my baby smashed into a street pole. The gas tank was crushed and had to be replaced. I’ve laid my bike down several times and yes, every single time, I’ve acquired injuries. For the most part, I’ve fared well in my accidents. i once had an accident right before I turned into a plaza on my way to work.
{Guys, make sure you keep your tires in good shape! The oil that mixes with the rain on the roads of south Florida will cause your bike to come to a dangerous, incomplete, and sliding stop if you’re not careful}
Being the person that I am, I picked myself and my bike up off the asphalt to proceed riding into the plaza. Not everyone will go on about their business like nothing happened, and not everyone can stand to patch up their own wounds after a near-death experience.
Take some time to think about how much you love your life before you join the #bikelife.

Piece of Perseverance

Music Meaning

Be Grateful For Rain

5 Tips to Maximize That ‘Dumb’ High You So Desire !

1. Hotbox or Seal Yourself in a Small Room – even though it has been proven now that hot-boxing actually signals loss of oxygen to the brain, and only creates the illusion of a more intense high. But hey, we don’t even have to pretend that it isn’t the present truth because most tokers don’t know that anyway. But almost every authentic stoner has had at least one hot-box session or something of the likes. Stuffing towels under the bathroom door. Rolling all of the car windows up. It’s all in the plan of sealing the space airtight so that the smoke has nowhere to go and as a result, gets you ‘higher’. In reality, the fact that no air is being circulated is fucking with your brain circulation…making you a bit more light-headed.

2. Not All At Once – Smoke here and there. Ever heard of self-preservation? Ok, now think of the blunt, bowl, joint, pen, whatever as yourself. Learn to preserve your natural supplement to stretch out your high. Its not always HOW HIGH you get but rather how long you can maintain that high. I, personally, like to roll a fat grabba blunt to last throughout the day. Recently, I’ve been using the Sugar Honey Iced Tea out of my one-hitter. It’s really good for stretching my personal stash. I highly recommend any contemporary stoner (on a budget) to invest in one! Furthermore, preserving your ganja prevents your tolerance levels from shooting up too high too fast. All of a sudden, you’re spending more to smoke more to achieve the same high. Why not learn how to ride steady instead of hard and fast?

3. Eat Light or Don’t Eat At All – Enjoy a light snack or meal. Again my personal thing if I want to get that ‘stupid’ high is to NOT eat before a blessing session. Having nothing in your stomach can enhance your high as well, especially if your stomach is as active as mine lol! (no one will get that joke like I do). Once you feel a buzz, you should go to your stash of snacks or whatever it is that you fantasized about creaming inside your mouth. Or you can be more like mwen (because I’m a binger) and overindulge until you catch an immediate case of the itis <– see google engine for definition of urban term. You will have increased the euphoric feeling if you don’t eat yourself sick. Which you shouldn’t; only amateurs and people with eating disorders do that, no?

4. Relax Your Mind – Seriously, no one likes a buzz kill. Marijuana is not a drug but just like any drug that could cause hallucination, it could really blow your high if your mind is not at ease. So try to keep something light on your brain, or even something that excites you. Sex, work, a passionate hobby..anything that generates positive energy. If you’re deepest desire is to take over the world, then meditate on that while you toke. Often times, people smoke to blow off steam or calm down from an anxiety attack. The ‘calming’ high doesn’t last as long as the high you climbed while you were already in a peaceful mind state. Its kind of like acid. Take enough, and you’re guaranteed to trip. But how you feel and who you’re with while you’re taking the trip determines whether it’ll be terrifying or liberating.

5. Rid Yourself of Post-Smoking Symptoms – Cottonmouth be gone with a handy bottle of water! I understand that we’re not always prepared with a refreshing beverage when we get ready to blaze. Anyway, cottonmouth is the worst symptom that comes to mind for me. Every authentic stoner has that one symptom that just kills it for them. Others struggle with the red/dry eye syndrome. I would suggest those folk to keep some eye drops on deck. Many stoners find the munchies to be the symptom that brings the most discomfort. Especially when you don’t have the funds or access to food. Do yourself a favor and have the midnight snacks on deck before you get lit.

Colors of Strength (A Toast to Black History)

We have come a long way. The days of survival are not over. As the “underdog” race, we are still surviving. We may not have the same privileges that other races have, but what the hell do we NEED privilege for? We are a WORKING race. We pride ourselves on paving our own way. Let’s not forget our history of creativity as well, probably holding more patented inventions than any other main race (I’m really not sure – didn’t research that one). Now, there are things that we could really work on to break the stereotypes and generalization that society has put on us. Those things can be discussed at a later date, and with someone else because I’m not in the mood for a right-or-wrong debate.

This here, is a tribute to my African-Americans.My Afro-Caribbeans and Caribbean-Americans. My coolies…yes, I said it. And you!The Jamaican, Haitian, Bahamian, Virgin Islander, Trinidadian, and any other island that has human skin darker than a brown paper bag – all you reading this.

Please understand that we are all the same and eventually, we all come together.

From Freeport – full of Bahamian flavor, to Miami –mixing a variety of races and religion, to southern Georgia. I laugh to myself at how I move up the map (geographically).

Slavery and other historical tragedies have broken us (as colored and caribbean people). It is said that you never really know what you’re made of until you’re broken, and have to put the pieces back together. Well, when we put our pieces back together, didn’t we find STRENGTH in there somewhere?? We are obviously made up of something magnificent because we have not gone extinct. On a holistic scale, we can say that colored people are strong as f***! I am sure there are negative forces out there still, who wish to see the demise of this entire race. For years, decades, and centuries now some have even hoped for the extinction of our race – watching us pass down lethal legacies of deep-rooted anger, aggression, and violence. They really hoped that we’d do the dirty work ourselves with these generational curses ingrained in our culture.

However, love will always prevail. Look at how many of our younger and brighter generations of this race have broken the generational curses, taking their future generations out of bondage. Look at how love keeps all of us going. If it wasn’t for Love, we’d all send each other to hell with just our eyes…and all of the other toxic emotion we conjure up in our spirits from dealing with others. I will not speak on the political progress of my race. You know how I loathe negativity. I’m making it a point TO point out the resilience of a race with so many different shades of beauty and exotic complexions. We are beautiful inside and out, constantly reclaiming our thrones as kings and queens of the Promised Land.

No one can stop us, but ourselves.

God destined us to be great as a people.

Can’t you see our greatness?